the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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