dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think my vagina is haunted
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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