Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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