worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize