I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
