Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
