Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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