Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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