Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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