Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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