Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize