every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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