So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
