I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
