I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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