If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
