I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
