Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize