You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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