Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize