so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
