i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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