Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
