Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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