Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
