David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
