oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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