I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
