Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
