he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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