First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
