dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize