woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
