I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
