i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
