Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
