And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
