I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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