when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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