it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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