Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
