How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
