just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i out mim tonsoeep
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