I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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