You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
