I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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