dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Still dying that you shit outside
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
