i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
