SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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