saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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