Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
