upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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