I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize