yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
