i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
