her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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