I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
