you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
