im having a threesome with these popsicles
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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