There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
