he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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