how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
