Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
