After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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