I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
