my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
