she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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