not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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