Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
