hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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