I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize