could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
