I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
