Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
