Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
