were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
