Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
