he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize