I will die if light touches me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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