3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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