This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
