i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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