Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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