he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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