Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
