Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this boner is exhausting
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
