We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
