I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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