I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
